Defend the defenseless

Building on the last post about accurately handicapping your friends here. If you have the ability to know what people are capable of and what their reactions to situations will be, congratulations, you have a leg up on most people. Unfortunately, it gets harder for you. You have the responsibility of helping other people see what it is that you see.

I will present an all-too-common scenario for you. I've seen this happen at school (a LONG time ago) and at work. There's always a target. In school it was nerds. At work it's the person who always cries, or the person who shares too much about their medical history, or the person that has uncomfortable phone conversations in open spaces. It's easy to pick on people like this. I'll go to lunch with some co-workers and they'll just rip on someone for an hour.

At first it's funny. We all have our socially awkward moments, I know I have had my share. At some point though, funny fades away. People are just beating a dead horse, feeding off each other and bonding over the shortcomings of someone else. If you agree with my last post, we need to set different expectations of different people and try to understand them as opposed to laugh at them.

Imagine in that scenario I present, that after a good 15 minute roundtable of awkward person bashing (of which you should probably remain silent and just laugh along) - you step out a bit and say "You know she is really weird, but I kind of feel sorry for her at times. She probably just has family or friends who have always acted that way and has no idea it's strange behavior."

Making that statement can go one of two ways. People might start looking at each other and then lump you in, start making fun of you when you're not around. Or they might take a step back, look at what is happening and actually agree with you.

In my experience it is ALWAYS the latter. People are generally kind and understanding. They want to like everyone. It's just easy to fall into connecting with others about a common problem. When you step out like this (be smart with your timing, don't do it when the bashing starts, do it when it is dying down) you are defending someone who isn't there to defend themselves. While the people at the table may not be consciously aware of this, over time, they will come to recognize that you are a man (or woman) with enough integrity to stand up for any one of THEM when they have their awkward moment or huge screw up.

I know I would want someone to stick up for me. I think there's more of a chance that people will stick up for me, not necessarily because I stick up for them, but because I stick up for others.

Ask yourself. When they come for you, who will speak?